Blended Families

Families can come in all different forms. Many families are blended, step families, adopted/foster, and many more. Everyone has the goal to marry their soulmate, have kids, and have the perfect life. Unfortunately life happens and things happen and tragedy may occur. A tragedy that could leave holes in the family, such as a death of a parent/spouse. Divorce can leave a hole in the family as well. Divorce is more and more of a common thing that happens to families. Is it possible for someone to get remarried after such a hole has been created? ABSOLUTELY! Everyone deserves the chance to be happy. I once had a friend who started dating a guy who later told her that he had been married and divorced. They got divorced before they even had kids. My friend struggled to continue to date him, just because he had been married and divorced. This was a really sad situation to me because I believe that everyone deserves to be forgiven of their imperfections and if they are good person than they should receive that compassion. I also understand how that would raise red flags against someone, but it's important to have an open conversation and communication to see if it were possible to work past that. When getting remarried and kids are involved it can always become a little more trickier. In class we talked about how Disney portrays the "step-mom" as the villain. The situation of blending families is already hard enough, but when there is more negative influence than positive it become that much harder. Every family deals with blending their own families differently. Some parents got remarried when the children were very young and it was easier to step in and become the parent figure. For other families they might have teen-agers and this might make the situation even harder to step in and be a parent. So how should people blend their families peacefully? There was great advice given in class that all heavy discipline should be handled by the birth parent. This is mostly because a child might be more willing to listen to their biological parent than their step-parent. The other advice is that the step-parent should act as the fantastic Aunt/Uncle. Now when I first heard this I didn’t know if completely agreed with the step-parent not really doing any disciplinary actions, but they can still be supportive of their spouse and more of a friend to the child. Also to help the blend be a peaceful blend, the parents need to communicate even more so than the biological parents did because they need to be for sure in line with one another as they are trying to blend their families.

In class we also had a very interesting discussion about emotional divorce. This is when the couple is still together and married, but emotionally they are both not invested anymore. They are staying in the relationship for their children. This can also be damaging and leave holes in a family. I knew of a woman who was debating on staying with her husband after he had cheated on her for the sake of her daughters. She didn’t if they would work out, but she wanted her daughters to have a healthy uprising with both parents. I then reminded her that, that won’t be a healthy situation for her daughters to grow up in either and that sometimes divorce is the answer. She was also concerned that no one would want to marry her because she was older with daughters. I try to reassure her that if it came down to her being divorced everything would work out. There are many others that are going through the same situation as her. Marriage makes people happy and everyone wants to have that happiness even if it is for the second time. No matter the family type we all need and strive to fulfill those roles and holes in our lives. I think it would do everyone well to keep that in mind of blended families. They are just like everyone else and even though they may might not be traditional they are still capable of loving and being one big happy family like the rest of us!

To Be A Parent

Why is a parent so important? Being a parent and the topic of parenting has been on my mind lately. No I won't be a parent soon, but I will be eventually and this will be something of great importance in my life. The purpose of parenting to me is to raise children in a way that is beneficial for society. To educate and to nurture them in a way to give them the best circumstances to do so.  As mentioned in our class the purpose of parenting is to protect and prepare children to survive and thrive in the world they will live in. Especially as times go on and the world is becoming more of a confusing place, children are going to need the correct standards and morals to grow up with. They will need parents to help them show them between what is right and what is wrong. Parenting doesn't only just benefit the child but the parent as well. For the child a lot of their needs are met through their parent, and for a parent a lot of their needs are met from the child. They both equally need each other and those relationships in their lives. Parents should be one of the child's main source of learning as the parent should always be teaching. Teaching a child responsibility is a huge task, but something beneficial for that child to survive and thrive in this world. In one of my other classes we read an article titled "A Nation of Wimps" by Hara Estroff Marano. In this article she discusses how children have no reprehensibility because their parents over-protect them or save them from any negative incident they might stumble upon. She said "Parents are going to ludicrous lengths to take the lumps and bumps out of life for their children. However well-intentioned, parental hyperconcern and microscrutiny have the net effect of making kids more fragile. That may be why the young are breaking down in record numbers." Children need to have learning experiences and some parents aren't allowing that to happen. Natural consequences can help be one of the best teachers. If a child gets hurt or doesn't like the outcome, hopefully they will understand to change the action that brought upon that consequence. I have heard multiple stories of parents blaming the teacher for their child's bad grade in school, instead of turning to the child and working from there. This tells the child that nothing is ever their fault and when something goes wrong to turn to mommy and daddy to save the day everytime they don't get their way. Marano gave 10 advice points for parents to help avoid raising their child into a fragile wimp. 

1. Never invest more in an outcome than your child does.

2. Allow children of all ages time for free play. It's a natural way to learn regulation, social skills, and cognitive skills.

3. Be reasonable about what is dangerous and what is not. Some risk-taking is healthy.

4. Don't overreact to every bad grade or negative encounter your child has. Sometimes discomfort is the appropriate response to a situation and a stimulus to self-improvement.

5. Don't be too willing to slap a disease label on your child at the first sign of a problem; instead, spend some time helping your child learn how to deal with the problem.

6. Peers are important, but young people also need to spend time socializing with adults in order to know how to be adults.

7. Modify your expectations about child-raising in light of your child's temperament; the same actions don't work with everyone.

8. Recognize that there are many paths to success. Allow your children latitude, even to take a year off before starting college.

9. Don't manipulate the academic system on behalf of your child; it makes kids guilty and doubtful of their own ability.

10. Remember that the goal of child-rearing is to raise an independent adult. Encourage your children to think for themselves, to disagree (respectfully) with authority, even to incur the critical gaze of their peers.

I personally think these are great things to remember while being a parent. A parent has tough choices to make in order to raise an independent person. They have to teach, correct, and discipline. I think when it comes to disciplining it's important to remember to be age appropriate and situation appropriate. I think it's also smart to include your child before hand so they know very well what would happen if they got into trouble. They could even have a say in their consequence and know that they were the ones who did this to themselves. In disciplining it's important to be firm and loving, fair, consistent, and following through. Even after they have messed up we need to learn to trust them or regain that trust if severely broken. 

My parents hold a special place in my heart. They gave me everything and continue to give me all they have. They have done this for all their children. They taught me correct principles and then trusted that I would live those principles without forcing me to do so. They loved me even when I made bad choices and always supported me. I am an independent adult because of the way they raised me. My parents are my best friends and to say I love them is an understatement. I hope one day I will give all that to my own children. Until next week!!