To Be A Parent

Why is a parent so important? Being a parent and the topic of parenting has been on my mind lately. No I won't be a parent soon, but I will be eventually and this will be something of great importance in my life. The purpose of parenting to me is to raise children in a way that is beneficial for society. To educate and to nurture them in a way to give them the best circumstances to do so.  As mentioned in our class the purpose of parenting is to protect and prepare children to survive and thrive in the world they will live in. Especially as times go on and the world is becoming more of a confusing place, children are going to need the correct standards and morals to grow up with. They will need parents to help them show them between what is right and what is wrong. Parenting doesn't only just benefit the child but the parent as well. For the child a lot of their needs are met through their parent, and for a parent a lot of their needs are met from the child. They both equally need each other and those relationships in their lives. Parents should be one of the child's main source of learning as the parent should always be teaching. Teaching a child responsibility is a huge task, but something beneficial for that child to survive and thrive in this world. In one of my other classes we read an article titled "A Nation of Wimps" by Hara Estroff Marano. In this article she discusses how children have no reprehensibility because their parents over-protect them or save them from any negative incident they might stumble upon. She said "Parents are going to ludicrous lengths to take the lumps and bumps out of life for their children. However well-intentioned, parental hyperconcern and microscrutiny have the net effect of making kids more fragile. That may be why the young are breaking down in record numbers." Children need to have learning experiences and some parents aren't allowing that to happen. Natural consequences can help be one of the best teachers. If a child gets hurt or doesn't like the outcome, hopefully they will understand to change the action that brought upon that consequence. I have heard multiple stories of parents blaming the teacher for their child's bad grade in school, instead of turning to the child and working from there. This tells the child that nothing is ever their fault and when something goes wrong to turn to mommy and daddy to save the day everytime they don't get their way. Marano gave 10 advice points for parents to help avoid raising their child into a fragile wimp. 

1. Never invest more in an outcome than your child does.

2. Allow children of all ages time for free play. It's a natural way to learn regulation, social skills, and cognitive skills.

3. Be reasonable about what is dangerous and what is not. Some risk-taking is healthy.

4. Don't overreact to every bad grade or negative encounter your child has. Sometimes discomfort is the appropriate response to a situation and a stimulus to self-improvement.

5. Don't be too willing to slap a disease label on your child at the first sign of a problem; instead, spend some time helping your child learn how to deal with the problem.

6. Peers are important, but young people also need to spend time socializing with adults in order to know how to be adults.

7. Modify your expectations about child-raising in light of your child's temperament; the same actions don't work with everyone.

8. Recognize that there are many paths to success. Allow your children latitude, even to take a year off before starting college.

9. Don't manipulate the academic system on behalf of your child; it makes kids guilty and doubtful of their own ability.

10. Remember that the goal of child-rearing is to raise an independent adult. Encourage your children to think for themselves, to disagree (respectfully) with authority, even to incur the critical gaze of their peers.

I personally think these are great things to remember while being a parent. A parent has tough choices to make in order to raise an independent person. They have to teach, correct, and discipline. I think when it comes to disciplining it's important to remember to be age appropriate and situation appropriate. I think it's also smart to include your child before hand so they know very well what would happen if they got into trouble. They could even have a say in their consequence and know that they were the ones who did this to themselves. In disciplining it's important to be firm and loving, fair, consistent, and following through. Even after they have messed up we need to learn to trust them or regain that trust if severely broken. 

My parents hold a special place in my heart. They gave me everything and continue to give me all they have. They have done this for all their children. They taught me correct principles and then trusted that I would live those principles without forcing me to do so. They loved me even when I made bad choices and always supported me. I am an independent adult because of the way they raised me. My parents are my best friends and to say I love them is an understatement. I hope one day I will give all that to my own children. Until next week!!