Preparing for Marriage

What's the difference between cohabitation and marriage? If you look at cohabitation you are sharing mostly everything and doing mostly everything that you would do in a marriage. The only thing a couple doesn't share is that marriage commitment and in most cases finances and money. There are many reasons as to why people co-habit. Some co-habit as a test run to marriage or because it's the next step before marriage. I once had a friend who got an apartment for her and her boyfriend. They had been dating for about 4 years previous to this. After living with him for about 3 months they ended up breaking up. She told me how she found out things she never knew about him. She didn't realize how truly lazy he was and it gave her an insight of how her marriage would be and she didn't want that. She was grateful that they tried living together. My question is that what happens to those couples who don't co-habit? Is there any way for them to know if their marriage will work out without "testing" it out first? I think yes, there are many couples who don't live together before marriage who make it just fine. Everything you can learn about a person while living with them you can learn about without living with them. You can learn that someone is lazy and the way they live their life just by trying to get to know them on a different level.
This brings me to another thing we discussed during our class about proposals and engagements. Why is this an important time in a couple's timeline? It helps them prepare for their marriage and wedding. Engagements are different in many cultures. Some people have engagements that last for 2 months and some have engagements that last for 7 years. Some people spend this time to plan lavish weddings or simple weddings depending on how much money the couple wants to save. Some couples take out loans to pay for that one day. Some couples depend on their parents to pay for the whole wedding. The problem with letting the parents pay for it all is that after that day is over the couple still might rely on the parents to take care of all their financial problems and they lose that opportunity to work through those trials and problems. Some couples go in debt trying to make the day so special and then they don't have any money to start their marriage on. The time of engagement is a great opportunity to talk about this and to talk about they way they want to start their marriage. Some people think that marriage is all marvelous and full of love. Don't get me wrong it is and can be, but it is also a major adjustment for some people. For those people who never co-habit-ed they have never lived with a person of the opposite sex. This can be extremely different to what they are used to. Finally they can share a same bed, but they don't realize that even sharing a bed is a major adjustment. Sharing a bathroom and counter space. Who is supposed to do the dishes? You would expect people to talk about finances and the major things, but while dating do people talk about the minor things like who will do the dishes and things like that. You are combining your life with someone else and even though there is love involved it is always hard to adjust to major life changes like that. It's important to stay patient and to always have an open communication.
The last thing I want to discuss is how kids affect the marriage. To some people this is the greatest blessing in their marriage, and to other people kids bring about stress and stress on the relationship. Once again this is something that the couple should have open communication about. Before even having the baby, discuss who is going to be in the delivery room. Will the spouse be in the room or will the mother and sisters of the mother to be replace the husband. Remember above anything else just think about the relationship between the couple and how even the little things that can affect the relationship. Be aware of ones another feelings and always be considerate to that. Until next week!!