Fathers and Finance

My father is one of my many role models. There are many reasons why I look up to him and adore him. Let me just take a few more minutes to brag about how great he is. He is selfless and loving. I have never met a more humble man who serves not only his family, but all those around him. He is a very hardworking man. Why is this so important? He instilled qualities and morals in me that no once could have. My mom was obviously a part of raising me, but my father was and is still an important part in my development. There have been studies put out there expressing the importance of having fathers in the home. To some people this might offend them, but this is simply the truth. No matter how hard a single mother, or same sex parents try to raise kids, raising a kid in a home of a father and a mother is the best possible environment for a healthy development. I have always wanted to raise my family after the same manner I was raised. My father went to work at 8am until 5pm. My mother was a stay at home teaching dance class and being the cheerleading coach for the high school. My father works for a company that manufactures farm equipment. My father has always worked so hard to provide for his family so that my mom could stay home and raise her children. Call that old fashioned, but I eventually want the same. I think it's very beneficial to have a stay at home parents to nurture and care for the children. Even though most of the time it's usually the mother that stays home to watch the kids it's still important for the father to have a say and relationship in raising his children. Something that I am so grateful for was when I was in high school and playing sports my parents were so supportive. My dad made it a goal to be done with work at 5 so they he could make it to be basketball games. He also didn't work on Sunday or Saturday so he was able to go to sport events on Saturdays and church on Sunday. My father's job always gave us enough money to afford the things we needed, but not always give us the things we wanted. What is important in this is that he could have worked longer hours and more days, but he choose to sacrifice those things to spend quality time with his family. This always meant a lot to all of us kids. Sure it would have been nice to have nicer things and all the fun things, but looking back at my childhood and being a teenager, those quality hours are what matter most. Money is a huge problem that causes a lot of stress in a lot of families. Some families have too much money and some don't have any money at all. How can having too much money be a problem? I have seen many families not be as close because they have nice things that take place of those personal relationships. I once met a kid my age who was telling me all about his family. We were showing each other pictures of our home towns and houses. He showed me his huge house in Newport, California. He then showed me their family's beach house in Costa Rica that was absolutely huge. I was sitting there thinking that would be so nice to have such nice houses. He then told me that he has never had a good relationship with his father. His father and mother were currently going through a divorce because his father has slept with other women and has been cheating on his mother. His younger brothers are atheist and have completely different beliefs and morals. His family has never been close and the relationship of their family was just sad. I then showed a picture of my house. It is located in a very very small farm town. My neighborhood is in a dumpy part of town. Even though my house is nice and big and surrounded by nice white picket fence it still isn't a huge mansion in a nice area. Before I was feeling sorry for myself, but after hearing his story I realized I had two parents who loved each other very much. Not only do they love each other but they love their children and grandchildren. All of my siblings and I are happy and living a good life. Dealing with the normal struggles and stress that life brings, but having good standards and working through problems in a healthy way. My siblings and I all love each other and are the best of friends. Our family relationship is very good. I realized that money doesn't always mean everything. We are happy and we don't need money to do that, even though sometimes it would help, it's not the most important thing. So once again just think of your goals of your family. If your family does have money how are you letting money affect your family relationship. What are things you could do better to bring your family closer without using money? Until next week!

Communication

What is considered to be communication? Communication can be verbal or non verbal. It can happen face to face or through technology. Words and tones play a big part in communication. Without these miscommunication can happen. I think we have all had times where something was miscommunication because we were texting and couldn't hear the tone in their voice. We then create a problem that shouldn't have been there in the first place. This happens more often than it should. It's important to be transparent when trying to communicate. There are often times someone isn't clear with the signals they are giving off. They say something, but then their tone or body language isn't adding up. It's important to know how to put words, tones, and body language all together to give off the right message so it isn't confusing. This is especially important when it comes to dating, marriage, and family. Life isn't always going to be perfect and not everyone has the same opinions. Even when you are dating or get married, you still love the person you are with, but times will come when you don't always see eye to eye or when you need to have open, clear,  honest conversations. Communication is a huge part in a healthy marriage. It's almost safe to say that when communication stops or isn't transparent anymore problems seem to arise. Being transparent doesn't mean you always have to be negative either. I've had people who thought they were being transparent with me, but in reality they were just being very hurtful. It wasn't a conversation that helped solve anything, it actually made it a lot worse, because by then I was too hurt to do anything. Being transparent is a skill that we all need to work on. Its a way to be honest, but not hurtful. I think sometimes people think they have the right to say whatever they want when they want. Truthfully there are some things that don't even have to be said at all. There are ticky tac things that we are bothered by because we allow it to bother us. For example I had someone pick me apart for the way I brushed my hair. The simplest things and she proceeded to tell me all the small things she hated that I did. So some people need to learn to be transparent, but also tactful. There are also problems with communication when emotions are running high. Sometimes when we are angry we say things, do things, and think things that we normally don't say, do, or think. This can be harmful in an relationship if we are not careful when we are upset. Some people deal with anger and frustration in different ways. It's important to figure out how each person deals with it when you are dating, so that by the time you are married you have a good idea of how to deal with that situation when it appears. Do they need to talk about it right away, or do they need a few seconds to cool down by themselves. Figuring out how to deal with each others emotions can greatly impact you communication and relationship. It's also important to be weary of corrupt communication and conversation. This is important in a family relation and in the home. Corrupt communication can come in forms of gossip, rumor, twisting of the words and other things. It's important to protect our family of these things. Corrupt communication in a marriage can be extremely hurtful because we know our spouse better than anyone else and we know how to also hurt each other better than anyone else. We have to be extremely careful to keep corrupt communication out of our marriages and homes.
The last thing I want to mention is have an open family counsel. This can be beneficial when there is a problem that needs to be addressed. It also gives everyone an opportunity to have an opinion and be involved in the family. Just remember to communicate in a loving way because communication can either make or break a relationship. Until next week!

Dealing with Family Stress

Everyone's family goes through different ups and downs. There is not a single family that lives a perfect life without stress or a crisis. The stress placed on a family might not even be that much stress, but every family at one point or time will go through a hardship. Stress means that there is strain or tension whether that be emotional or physical. Stress is a pretty common thing for an individual and for a family. Is having stress in your life necessary or important?  Imagine a time in your life or your family's life when you had a stressful moment. Now imagine if you wouldn't have experienced that moment. Would your life be better or worse, would you have learned or grown without it? In my family when we go through stressful moments it helps us grow closer together and I can look back at those times and feel grateful that our family went through it together. Something cool I learned was that word crisis in Chinese means danger and opportunity. I found this to be really interesting. When a crisis hits a family there are two pathways they can go down. They can either go down the path of danger. This would mean that they would let the crisis overtake their lives and their relationships. They let it ruin everything they love and have worked for. They let it tear their family apart. Then there is the other part of the word which is opportunity. A crisis can lead to the pathway of opportunity. Depending on how the family handles the crisis they can grow, learn, and change. Actually a crisis demands a change. This can be a blessing in some family's life depending on how they take on the trial. Some people allow the stress to pile up until it becomes too much. That might be an unhealthy way to cope with stress. Everyone copes with stress in different ways. I think that it's an important thing to talk about with your spouse or partner. When you talk about how you're going to cope with a stressful moment, it can help prepare the both of you for when a trial actually happens. If you believe in a God will you remain believing or will you blame God and give up? I think if both spouses are open and honest with each other it will make the time less painful and instead they can lean on one another and their children too. I just want to share a time in my family that was a stressful moment. I was currently serving a mission and for those who don't know a mission for the LDS church costs about 400 dollars a month. My parents were super willing to pay for my mission and help me out. I had only been on my mission for about 2 months when I received an email from my dad telling me about what had happened at his work. My dad had been accused of stealing money from the company. He had been working at that company for 20 plus years as General Manager and was currently trying to buy out the company with my two brothers who worked there. My dad was devastated because didn't see this coming at all, and he looked over everything and believed that he was innocent. The owner demoted him and lowered his pay. This affected our family pretty hard. My brothers quit and were forced to move other jobs for better pay. This actually ended being a blessing for my brothers because they both found better jobs in the end. Unfortunately this was still hard for my dad because he couldn't find another job and money was really tight. They struggled to pay for my mission, but wanted to continue to support me. During this time as a family we really joined together. I could feel the love from every single sibling and I know my mom was really supportive at this time. We still struggle with money, and my dad still has that same job and its a stressful time still for my dad to go to work. Even though it was a difficult time we grew as a family together. We learned how to be happy and work together as a family through hard times. Remember to be happy and stay positive and always remember that stress is a good thing when dealt with it in the right way. Until Next week!!

Intimacy in Marriage

Why is intimacy in marriage so important? There are many reasons why intimacy in marriage is important. Although I am not married I have been able to learn a lot about why this part of marriage is so crucial in the development of a marriage. A very important reason is the fact that intimacy builds trust within a relationship. Participating in intimate relations allows the couple to connect in a very personal and trusting way that should only be done within the bonds of marriage. This reminds me a lot of Adam and Eve and the trust and love that they had for each other, such trust and love comes partially from intimate interaction with each other. Marriage is one of the most important decisions that we can make here upon this earth. As we seek eternal progression finding a spouse to spend eternity with is one of the major steps in this progress. Marriage allows us to be sealed for all time and eternity and allows us to create families which is fulfilling our Heavenly Fathers plan. I am so very grateful to know and be apart of this plan and I look forward to the day when I find a worthy young man that I can spend eternity with and create a family. Unfortunately the world has a different view of marriage and the intimate relations that are set solely for those tied together by marriage. You can see now there are many problems that can arise in a marriage. One of those problems is pornography. Pornography gives a false idea of how sex should be, whether outside or inside marriage. There are many reasons why pornography is damaging to a marriage and one of those reasons is that it's a selfish act. One reason why a person might view pornography is to receive that sexual gratification for themselves. Having a healthy sexual relationship with your spouse requires both of them to be selfless. Males and females were built so differently. If we were all the same it wouldn't require anyone to be selfless. If this was the case martial intimacy wouldn't accomplish much in the terms of building love and trust with one another. Being sexual with someone is a very  vulnerable process. This is also why pornography can hurt a marriage because it ruins that trust that took so long to build up. People could develop insecurities and wondering if they will ever measure up to expectations that are impossible to reach. This is also why its important to have an open communication about sex with your spouse. If you can have an open communication about this you can have an open communication about anything. If someone is uncomfortable or not working you, let your spouse know in a loving way. If you never talk about it, they will never know and they won't know they need to change something. Like I mentioned before men and women are different and what works for your spouse might not work for you.
If being intimate in a marriage is important, why would it be harmful outside of marriage. These connections that are made and the emotions that come with being sexual with someone are really powerful. Some individuals might not be prepared for all of those emotions. It makes it even more complicated when the relationship doesn't have a for sure commitment level as a marriage and it might not be a certain that they will end up together. It's a scary thing to realize that your partner has had those same connections with other partners and so forth. It also turns from a selfless thing to more of a selfish thing and more emotion than a young person can handle.
Once again this is something that is essential to your marriage. Remember to love and be open with your spouse. Until next week.

Preparing for Marriage

What's the difference between cohabitation and marriage? If you look at cohabitation you are sharing mostly everything and doing mostly everything that you would do in a marriage. The only thing a couple doesn't share is that marriage commitment and in most cases finances and money. There are many reasons as to why people co-habit. Some co-habit as a test run to marriage or because it's the next step before marriage. I once had a friend who got an apartment for her and her boyfriend. They had been dating for about 4 years previous to this. After living with him for about 3 months they ended up breaking up. She told me how she found out things she never knew about him. She didn't realize how truly lazy he was and it gave her an insight of how her marriage would be and she didn't want that. She was grateful that they tried living together. My question is that what happens to those couples who don't co-habit? Is there any way for them to know if their marriage will work out without "testing" it out first? I think yes, there are many couples who don't live together before marriage who make it just fine. Everything you can learn about a person while living with them you can learn about without living with them. You can learn that someone is lazy and the way they live their life just by trying to get to know them on a different level.
This brings me to another thing we discussed during our class about proposals and engagements. Why is this an important time in a couple's timeline? It helps them prepare for their marriage and wedding. Engagements are different in many cultures. Some people have engagements that last for 2 months and some have engagements that last for 7 years. Some people spend this time to plan lavish weddings or simple weddings depending on how much money the couple wants to save. Some couples take out loans to pay for that one day. Some couples depend on their parents to pay for the whole wedding. The problem with letting the parents pay for it all is that after that day is over the couple still might rely on the parents to take care of all their financial problems and they lose that opportunity to work through those trials and problems. Some couples go in debt trying to make the day so special and then they don't have any money to start their marriage on. The time of engagement is a great opportunity to talk about this and to talk about they way they want to start their marriage. Some people think that marriage is all marvelous and full of love. Don't get me wrong it is and can be, but it is also a major adjustment for some people. For those people who never co-habit-ed they have never lived with a person of the opposite sex. This can be extremely different to what they are used to. Finally they can share a same bed, but they don't realize that even sharing a bed is a major adjustment. Sharing a bathroom and counter space. Who is supposed to do the dishes? You would expect people to talk about finances and the major things, but while dating do people talk about the minor things like who will do the dishes and things like that. You are combining your life with someone else and even though there is love involved it is always hard to adjust to major life changes like that. It's important to stay patient and to always have an open communication.
The last thing I want to discuss is how kids affect the marriage. To some people this is the greatest blessing in their marriage, and to other people kids bring about stress and stress on the relationship. Once again this is something that the couple should have open communication about. Before even having the baby, discuss who is going to be in the delivery room. Will the spouse be in the room or will the mother and sisters of the mother to be replace the husband. Remember above anything else just think about the relationship between the couple and how even the little things that can affect the relationship. Be aware of ones another feelings and always be considerate to that. Until next week!!

Dating

For many people the word "Dating" usually is spoken before an eye roll, or a heavy sigh. I think a lot of people have struggled in the dating world. Going to BYUI there are certain expectations that we all feel like we have to live up to when trying to date. I think half the problem with dating is that the actual concept and definition of a date has been distorted and confused. I have heard many girls come back from a first date and say "Well we had a good time, but I can't picture myself marrying him!" Why were they thinking about marriage on the first date? Dates are a good way of getting to know each other that don't always have to end a romantic notion. A date is when a guy plans, pays, and they paired off. This is different from when they "hang out". Hanging out eliminates the responsibilities of dating. When we date with the three "P's" it can prepare a couple for marriage and to then turn those three "P's" into preside, provide, and protect. It's also important that while a guy has those responsibilities a girl has the responsibility to be nurturing while dating. A way they can be nurturing is to be considerate of what the boy has planned and to be kind and caring. Treat them like a human being even if you aren't quite interested. Now I do have a problem with people giving the wrong idea. Sometimes me being kind reads to them that I am interested in them because I am just trying to have a conversation with them. This leads me to my next point in dating which is being transparent, clear, honest, and sincere. This is definitely something I could be better in. When they think I am interested, but I am not I need to be clear and sincere with them and let them know how I am feeling. That is how I can be more nurturing.
A very good question was brought up in class asking what should the balance be of a girl asking a guy on a date or making the first move? Of course it's nice when a guy asks the girl out and plans and pays for it. Most guys are honestly scared of rejection or ruining relationships and that stops them from asking out more girls and turning to just hang out. This is why it's nice to have a girl be courageous once in awhile. I actually just had an experience with this. There was a boy I was talking to at the gym and we were having good conversation. I was into him and he was into me. It was time to leave and I was just expecting him to ask for my number but sadly he didn't. I was kinda dissapointed. So I was gutsy, and I sent him a message and put myself out there. Luckily he ended up responding and then asked for my number and asked me on a date. We've been talking and dating ever since. I was grateful that for once I put matters into my own hands.
The last thing I want to cover is the type of love you want to have in your relationship. There are four words under the word love. They are Agape, Eros, Storge, and Philia. Agape is the more charitable kind of love. Eros is the more passion side of love, which sometimes plays into sexual passion. Storge is the love between parent and child. Philia is the brotherly love as in the love you have for a friend. These four types of love are needed, but in my opinion especially Agape, Eros, and Philia in a marriage.
Just remember to all those that are single and struggling to date, the adversary wants dating to be miserable because love and marriage are the ending goals. Stay positive and upbeat. Dating will be hard, but just have patience and one day it will all work out. Until next week!!

Gender

What makes someone who they are? What makes someone male or female? These days we are always tip-toeing around this subject because we don't want to offend anyone. It's also a hard question to ask because our culture and media has made it confusing and the line seems so blurred. There are many different settings in which we have gained an opinion or where we have learned certain things. For an example we learn things from our family setting, school, government, religion, and media. Sometimes the things we learn from these categories agree with one another or they can disagree. This is how topics like gender can get confusing and blurry. This is why when researchers are doing studies they look at small children who haven't really been exposed to the culture. They did find that females are more expressive, passive, and social. Little girls will more likely be involved in cooperative play and little boys will be involved in competitive play. So the research is there that boys and girls are different. We aren't the same and that's okay. Our bodies were built differently with different biological make up. Some people try to fight that, but you can not change your genes. What is so wrong with being a woman or being a man? We should embrace the things that make us different and build on that, instead of trying to be better than the other gender. So why is gender important in a family setting? It is important to have a father and a mother. A male and female. When a father and a mother work together to raise a family it give their children the possibility to grow up in a normal environment. Yes I understand that certain circumstances happen and life gets in the way and that can't always be the case, but if possible a man and a woman is the best case scenario. Men and women help balance each other out. There are qualities that men have that I don't and that is perfectly fine and vise versa. People don't realize that when we use these qualities together we can be as one and equal.
As we are on the subject of gender, it also brings me to the subject of same sex attraction. I will start by saying that first off I do not agree nor support same sex attraction. With that being said I respect that people have their own agency to live their lives how they please and I will treat people with the same respect regardless. This subject has always been another sticky subject that no one wants to discuss. There are many reasons as to believe why someone would have a same sex attraction. There are the normal reasons I hear such as I was born this way. Now I don't quite understand how people are feeling because I myself have never had those feelings, but I know that the culture also has an effect on how people turn out. The way they are raised might also affect that. We talked about various reasons why a person might have a same sex attraction. I know that I can't be the one to judge a person and I'm grateful that I don't have to be the one judging them. Everyone goes through their own struggles and deal with matters differently. That last thing I just want to say is that no matter what everyone was made perfectly. As male or female. There were no mistakes and no mistakes in the reasoning why families are made the way they are. Until next week everyone!!